Curved Blade

My PC just went crazy - rebooting infinitely. I had to open the case and patiently search for that component that may have been causing the delay to my creating the post that I was itching to do. During the troubleshooting, I was in a mood that was so fired up that I wanted to write everything that was on my mind before they all vanish. I got impatient. Gradually, my mood turns from heated to relaxed. Now I don't know if I still wanted to post my 'previous' posting mood. I'll try, though...

I just finished reading this book entitled "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom. Took down some good quotes that I find applicable to me, and turned out that my favorite of all those was this:

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.

The reason why I find the quote very applicable to me is because I have felt how it is to hold anger within myself. Problem is, I haven't felt the effect of its curved blade. So I was left guessing when will it be. Today? Soon? A long time from now? The question was answered as fast as I've guessed or expected. Or 'will' be answered for that matter.

I have this deep hatred for a person whom I think never really did much harm to me. It is such that I never wanted the person - attitude, guts, everything. I couldn't even recall now why this hatred had build up over time. A simple wish that I may never encounter the person again for the rest of my entire life would make it simpler for me to live peacefully and forget everything about it. It came true... until recently, just hours after I have finished reading the book and taking down quotes from it. It seems that in the near future, I would be, let's just say, 'seeing' the person again everday. The anger that I thought have been forgotten suddenly resurfaced, telling me that it never really vanished from my system because all this time I've been holding it inside me. God must have been testing me, teaching me that I have to learn how to forgive and forget. But how could I forgive if I have not forgotten? How would I do it if I would be constantly reminded of it whenever I see the person, or even hear something that is about the person? I suddenly wanted to go somewhere else. Away. Far away from all this. I could not believe that I am about to feel the curved blade as it slowly lacerates my 'inside' if I will not take action as soon as possible. Nor do I even know what action to take. Time. I need time to think. Time to plan things, my course of action. Then I'll be ready.

Whew! That was it. I think this would be my most personal post (considering that this was only my second post) ever. If not, then this is my 'darkest' post ever. haha! I don't think I'll have the guts to do this again. LOL! This surprises me, really. I hope my succeeding posts will be much happier.